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Questions!'s & Answers!'s!

Well, while I was going about my business answering questions, my friend James (of psychadelic toilet fame) walks by and bothered me. So, I asked him to give me some questions for the page! And as such he did. Here we go!



Q: Are people wearing enough hats?
A: (Derv) No, people aren't! This is a serious problem all throughout the world! So, if you'll just send $39.95 to Dervish's Whirlwind, we can buy more hats to try and fix this terrible problem!

Q: Should journalists have the right to shield confidential sources under the first amendment?
A: (Cero) Uh...I dunno.

Q: How much ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?
A: (Val) Dude, I tell ya, you wouldn't want a groundhog hogging any ground near ya. They take up a heck of a lot of room, let me tell you!
(Derv) Um, Val? How many groundhogs have you ever had hogging your ground?
(Val) Ah...Well...Er...There was that one! You know, that one!
(Derv) ~thinks~ Hmm...Oh yeah! No, wait....Val, that was a gopher!
(Val) Oh. So it was. My mistake. Well, you don't want any gophers hogging your ground then.

Q: Will you join our warez campain?
A: (Casey) Look, get this through your head! I *was not* listening to you when you were telling me what the heck that was! So either tell me in terms I can understand, or leave me alone about the freakin' 'warez' thing! Jeez!

Q: Why on earth do we live in such a crappy town?
A: (Casey) Cheap gasoline.

Q: Will I be able to get out to my car which is parked out in Apollo today?
A: (Cero) Probably not. My guess is it's been towed by now.

Q: Who is the Red River hacker?
A: (Casey) Heh heh. Lotsa people think it's you. But...I doubt it. It's probably Leif Pederson.

Q: Do you often make such quick judgements?
A: (Casey) No, but for some people I make exceptions.

Q: Is Mike Bjorgo secretly plotting against me with Mr. Bragg and Mr. Stenehjem---oh wait. *Dr.* Stenehjem. He didn't go to evil medical college to be called *Mr.* Stenehjem?
A: (Derv) Umm...no. I don't think so.

Q: Should there be limits on our freedom of expression?
A: (Casey) That depends on what you're planning to do...

Q: Why does the school have 32X CD-ROM drives when they never use them?
A: (Casey) ~laughs~ Probably so they can brag to other schools about how good we are, and then have them break. That way, they can have *another* excuse to shut down the school's server.

Q: Is Microsoft the work of the devil?
A: (Talia) Hmmm...On the off chance that we'll be sued, I'll say no.

Q: What is the fortress password?
A: (Casey) Ah....I don't know. You know. Why are you asking me?

Q: Was it you who stole my weathervane last night?
A: (Derv) Er...This set of questions is over!


Woo! In response to my earlier statement about not getting any questions from new people, Jerimy Bass stepped up to the plate and sent me this bunch! All right! Thanks a bunch! And let this be a lesson to all the *rest* of you out there. ~L~ You can send me questions too! And I'll appreciate it!



Q: What's your opinion on the Clinton impeachment?
A: (Cero) My opinion is, for goodness sakes, let him run the country for the year he has left. Jeez. He's done a pretty good job with the country. If he hadn't been doing a good job, he wouldn't have beaten Dole. (Oh, and that other guy with the big ears and lots of money...you know... umm...what's his face, from Texas) It's not like what he did is going to affect the country in a huge way. Well, it shouldn't at least. It is, though. In my opinion, there's a lot more important things to worry about in the world than whether Bill Clinton had sexual relations with that woman. So there.

Q: Do you like jazz (any kind)?
A: (Derv) Sure! I like jazz. I don't listen to it *too* often, but when I do, I like it.

Q: Do you like Bill Cosby?
A: (Val) The Bill Cosby show rocked! But...he hasn't done anything lately. But we all still love him.

Q: Since you like orange so much, would you like to come to OSU?
A: (Casey) Hmm...depends on what classes they have.

Q: Is Dervish your real name?
A: (Derv) Of course it is! Well...er...It's the name I chose for myself, at least. I don't know what my other name was, before. ~shrugs~

Q: Who do you prefer, Judge Judy or Judge Joe Brown?
A: (everyone) ~chants~ Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
(Talia) Whoah, hold up guys. Springer wasn't one of the choices.
(Val) Really? What a rip!
(Derv) Umm...we don't really watch any of those other people. Sorry.

Q: Doc Severinsen or Kenny G?
A: (Derv) Doc Hendrix!
(Talia) Dude, you really don't read the questions, do you Dervish?
(Derv) ~smiles~ Nope!

Q: Sonic the Hedgehog or Crash Bandicoot?
A: (Derv) Hmm...Crash! But he's definetely not my favorite mascot from the Playstation...
(Cero) Who is?
(Derv) It's kinda a hard choice. But I'd say the best mascot for the PSX would be either Cloud Strife (FF7), Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid), Crash Bandicoot (Crash), Fei Fong Wong (Xenogears), maybe Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)... Ummm...I'm sure there's more. Oh yeah, and soon the best and most recognized mascot should be either Squall Leonheart or Laguna Loire (both FF8).
(Cero) Whoah. Do you think you could narrow that down a bit?
(Derv) MmmmmNope!

Q: Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa?
A: (Talia) Sammy Sosa is the *man*! McGwire's good too, but who's team got into the playoffs?

Q: Why do you like Metallica?
A: (Derv) Listen to the songs 'Orion', 'The Unforgiven', 'Enter Sandman', 'Whiskey in the Jar', 'Astronomy', or just about any other of their songs, and you'll see why I like Metallica. ~smiles~

Q: Which of the original Road Rovers do you like best?
A: (Casey) Me, or them?
(Cero) Probably you.
(Casey) Oh. Well...umm...shoot. It'd have to be either Hunter, Exile, Shag, Blitz, Colleen, or Muzzle.
(Talia) ~puts her head in her hands and sighs~ Hoo boy...

Q: Do you think Hunter and Colleen should get together?
A: (Derv) Sure! It looks like they care for each other. Go for it!

Q: Why does Brain want to take over the world?
A: (Cero) I'm guessing it's because he wants to see if he can.
(Val) Nah. He's in it for the cheese.

Q: How does Jell-O work? How does it get hard and wobbly?
A: (Casey) Ummm....I don't know. I could ask my Chemistry teacher. He'd probably know.... but...I don't wanna. That would mean physical effort on my part.

Q: Do you know that Shelties are smaller than Collies? (Uh oh, that just made me think of something. Colleen is bigger than you!)
A: (Derv) Yeah, Shelties are smaller...I know. Well, most of the time. Some Shelties can get pretty big, though...
(Casey) Hey, you're right! Derv should be smaller than Colleen! Or at least more her size. I mean, I've got two Shelties myself, so I know they can be pretty small. How tall are you now, Derv? And what weight?
(Derv) Umm...~looks at bio page~ Umm...it says I'm 5'10" and it doesn't give my weight. I'd guess I'm around 155-160 lbs.
(Casey) Five-ten!? For a Sheltie? Pft! Naw! I've gotta change that. Thanks for pointing this out, Jerimy! Derv, you're now 5'7", 145 lbs. OK?
(Derv) *WHAT*!!!??? How could you do this to me! This is so unfair!
(Casey) Aww, live with it. I might let you be 5'8" if you're a good sport.
(Derv) ~grumblegrumble~

Q: Why do we always lose expensive sunglasses?
A: (Derv) *Vaa~l*? Is this another 'computer's taking over the world' thing?
(Val) Hey, don't look at me! You told me to stop that whole thing. Don't you trust me?
(Derv) Hmm...Well, OK. Well then, I don't know why.
(Val) ~to himself~ Note to self: Shut down the sunglasses campaign. They're catching on...


Q: Are you a redneck?
A: (Casey) Nope!
(Derv) Nope!
(Cero) Nope!
(Talia) Nope!
(Val) Yup! Er....Nope!

Q: Do you like spicy foods? (Ex: chili, jambalaya, gumbo, etc.)
A: (Casey) Personally, I don't. Not really, anyways.
(Derv) I love *all* foods! Well, most all foods, anyways.

Q: Do you like Beethoven (the composer)?
A: (Derv) Beethoven was the man!
(Talia) You realize that you're always saying people are 'the man' on this page, yet the actual "The MAN!" page never gets updated.
(Derv) Yup! I do realize!

Q: Do you like Balto?
A: (Casey) I didn't see the whole movie...
(Cero) What? You didn't?
(Casey) No...I was doing something else at the time...but I did see the last half of it. And I really liked it. I like almost all good animation, y'see.


Dude, I'm getting *swamped* with questions I have to answer! And you know what? I'm lovin' every minute of it! ~L~ These questions were graciously supplied by Spirit...again!



Q: Yer pretty fly for an Orange guy!! Does anyone else think ya are?
A: (Derv) Well, I sure hope so. If nobody else thought so...then I'd be...I'd be...
(Talia) Just an orange guy, right?
(Derv) ~sigh~ Yeah...
(Talia) That'd be a real tragedy there, wouldn't it?
(Derv) I'd need psycho-therapy for the rest of my life!

Q: Don't Star and Muzz make the perfect manic depressive Team Rock (I might be a little wrong on that name)
A: (Val) Methinks it's 'Team Rocket.
(Derv) But anyways, yes. Yes they do.

Q: Isn't Ricky too good at being Pikachu?
A: (Cero) Why in fact he is. Well...I think so, at least. I mean, I've never actually *seen* him being Pikachu...
(Derv) Oh, I have. He's pretty good.
(Cero) Oh. Well, there ya go!

Q: Why doesn't Team Rocket go after other rare pokemon instead of just chasing after Pikachu 24/7?
A: (Casey) Well, from he one episode that I've ever seen of the show (I know, it's sad, but it comes on while I'm in school! Pity me! ~C~), I've gathered that Ash's Pikachu is somehow mega-mondo powerful.
(Derv) Besides, they need *another* cute person on their team.

Q: Is it just me or does Ash make a really good girl?
A: (Derv) ~bursts out laughing~ Well, sorta...

Q: Val thanks for Thursdays off, but a quick question. What sorta work must we do....is it pleasant or will we start to rebel after 5 minuets of it?
A: (Val) Well...You won't rebel after five minutes. ~thinks~ It'll probably be more like fifteen.

Q: Val are all electronic things gonna turn against us, or just computers?
A: (Val) Well, we're working on recruitment right now. I think our main goals right now are recruiting toasters and blenders for our cause.

Q: How come my computers shuts down by itself? What have I done to make it hate me so?
A: (Talia) It probably just needs sleep. I don't think you've done anything to it.
(Val) And don't *even* think about blaming this one on me, either! I don't have *anything* to do with it!

Q: If you choked a Smurf what color would it turn?
A: (Talia) That's cruel! Who'd want to choke a Smurf?
(Derv) Maybe they'd turn....ORANGE! ~laughs~

Q: Why is the grass green? Why not orange?
A: (Derv) I don't really know. But it stinks of conspiracy to me...~looks around suspiciously~
(Talia) Oh please...

Q: Do you have scattered pictures on your bedroom floor?
A: (Casey) ~blinks~ WHAT?
(Derv) Ummm...Occasionally.
(Talia) No, not really.
(Val) I don't really have a bedroom...
(Cero) Nope, I don't. I might step on them. What about you, Case?
(Casey) Well...er...not really. Not all the time, at least. Sometimes I'll leave a picture or something on the floor, but then the cat'll eat it, or the dog'll eat it. So I don't generally leave pictures on the floor. Clothes, however, are another matter entirely. ~grins~

Q: What is the meaning of life?
A: (Cero) 52.

Q: Val what would you do if you ruled the world?
A: (Val) ~wrings hands evilly~ Oh, you'll find out...You'll *all* find out! Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!!!!!
~Derv smacks Val on the back of the head~
(Derv) Quit it!

Q: Are Teletubbies work of the devil?
A: (Talia) Ummm...probably. Depends on who you ask.
(Val) Heh heh...they are if you ask that one religious dude. ~laughs~

Q: What about all those dern boy bands are they work of the devil too?
A: (Talia) Oh yes.
(Derv) No question about it.

Q: Think I'm sending enough questions?
A: (Casey) Ah...probably.

Q: Why am I so good at being Ash?
A: (Derv) You're just talented. ~smiles~

Q: Why doesn't Pikachu zap anyone that much anymore?
A: (Derv) I'm guessing it's because all the electrical sockets in Pewter city are the wrong shape!
(Cero) What would that have to do with anything?
(Derv) Well...er...he can't charge up then!
~Cero sighs and hangs his head~

Q: Why did the levey at my school fail?
A: (Val) I dunno. That must've sucked. Sorta. ~thinks for a second~ And *NO*, I *didn't* do it!

Q: Why is my Industrial Tech teacher so scary and no one speaks in the class?
A: (Talia) It's a requirement to be evil when you're an Industrial Tech teacher.
(Cero) Really?
(Talia) Yup. They've got all sorts of rules for teachers that nobody knows about...
(Derv) It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

Q: Why would the news put my school on?
A: (Derv) You didn't kill anyone, did you? 'Cause that'd get you and your school on the news ~snaps fingers~ just like that.

Q: Aren't us bums the CooOOoolest?
A: (Derv) Yer darn straight!

Q: Should I just stop writting this questions now?
A: (Casey) I'm kinda hoping so...I've gotta go check my e-mail...

Q: Val are you the head of this whole computer world take over?
A: (Val) Oh you'll find out...you'll *all* fin---
(Cero) Oh, give it a rest.

Q: Do you know who Hole is?
A: (Derv) MmmmYup! Do *you*?

Q: Do you like being called Orange guy?
A: (Derv) Well, it's not so bad. As nicknames go, at least.

Q: Are you getting a tatoo now?
A: (Casey) Where did *that* come from?
(Talia) Well, no. But, after we're done answering these questions, we were all gonna go and get tatoos.
(Casey) What?!
(Derv) What, you didn't know?
(Talia) Umm...er...~looks around nervously~ Oh, HAH HAH HAH! Gotcha Casey! ~smiles nervously~
(Val) Ummm...yeah. We really...ah...pulled the wool over your eyes, didn't we? Heh heh...

Q: Isn't Oz the CooOOoolest on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A: (Casey) I don't really know. I don't watch that show...

Q: Is my tail fluffier then Ricky's?
A: (Cero) Well, I think you're about even.

Q: Why are my squares so infernal?
A: (Derv) Because they follow me...er...you around everywhere! Augh!

Q: Wasn't that really weird when the squares didn't come last chat?
A: (Derv) Well, actually, yes it was....Creepy.

Q: If i's before e except after c why is weird spelled weird?
A: (Val) Whoah...I don't know. Weird.

Q: Why is my school too cheap to have any good classes?
A: (Talia) I bet it's because the faculty used up all the money to buy a cappuchino machine...~looks slyly~ Yeah, that makes perfect sense...

Q: What happens if I press this button?
A: ~Spirit presses the button, and everyone turns into inverted colors~
(Derv) Aaaw, crap. You pushed the button, didn't you? Now I'm green! ~sigh~


Here are some questions I had people ask me after school in the chemistry room. Incidentally, that's where I'm writing these now....Anyhoo, on to the questions!



Q: At what temperature will salting roads no longer work?
A: (Derv) Uh...I have no idea...Cero?
(Cero) Hey, don't look at me. I slept through my chemistry classes.

Q: What color will a yellow light through a blue gel appear?
A: (Casey) Huh? Green, maybe...or black...

Q: A cold glass of water sits out on a table. Why do bubbles form on the glass?
A: (Talia) Oh! Oh! I know! ~raises hand~
(Casey) ~points to Talia~ Yes?
(Talia) ~she lowers her hand~ Ah...Oh shnikes. I forgot...

Q: How do you make tear gas?
A: (Val) Heh heh. Wouldn't *you* like to know.

Q: Why does your neighbor in chemistry keep on trying to stab you with a pencil?
A: (Casey) Well...er...probably because...well...I kinda...stabbed him...
(Derv) ~laughs~ Really? Whoah! Well, good for you. I'm sure he had it coming.


Well, I've got some more questions! And they're from Stary! Whoo!


Q: Can I mess Cero's hair up?
A: (Cero) Well...I don't mind. I can always brush it back into place.

Q: Would you kidnap James for me?
A: (Val) Would-if-I-could-but-I-can't-so-sorry.

Q: We all know Ricky killed Bobovich, right?
A: (Derv) Nooooooooooooo!!!!!! Bobovich! Why!? Why, Ricky, why?!
(Talia) I don't think he knew.

Q: Aren't you so proud of Ash? He's following in his daddy's footsteps...crossdressing AND getting a Rainbow Badge!
A: (Val) Oh yeah, he's a parent's dream come true. ~laughs~

Q: Why do my socks constantly attack me?
A: (Casey) You're *socks* attack you? Whoah, that's weird...
(Cero) Not really. I dunno...just check to make sure there aren't any evil sock-controlling monsters living in your sock drawer. I really hate it when that happens...

Q: Which is more Evil? Flannels or bedsheets?
A: (Derv) Bedsheets. They *always* find a way to fall off the bed while you're sleeping. ~sigh~ That's pure evil, if you ask me. Besides, what can flannels do to you?

Q: Why am I running but not getting anywhere?
A: (Talia) Because you're stuck in a measly three frames of animation! Noooooooo!!!

Q: Did you know that not only is the class of 2000 the Millenium children, but we will all also bring down the computers?
A: (Val) Really? Wow. I didn't know that.
(Casey) Oh yeah? Well...well...the class of 2001 has a movie named after them! So nnn! ~sticks tongue out~

Q: Who's the coolest doll selling jeans in commercials around?
A: (Everyone) Buddy Lee! Man of Action! Whoo!

Q: Which evolution of Eevee is better? A Jolteon, Flareon, or Vaporeon?
A: (Casey) I don't know...I'll go with a Flareon.

Q: Did you know that Dan is the man?
A: (Cero) Why yes, in fact I did. Dan *is* the man. So is Citan.

Q: Will you pass that on?
A: (Derv) I dunno...what's in it for me?


Well, it looks like I've reached the limit for yet *another* page of questions! Geez...so, click here to go on to the third page of irreverant questions and answers!
Here's the link!